the face in the mirror

OK, so apparently I have to post a picture of myself in a blog entry in order to use the picture in my Blogger profile. I'm not going to pretend that makes me happy.

Even though I want an itty bitty picture to appear in my profile, I don't want this ginormous one in the posting, exposing my every flaw to the critical eyes of the world (or even the not-so-critical eyes of friends and family). That's why I panicked and subjected this picture to some vain and radical soft-focus editing in Photoshop. And then zapped all the color out of it.

Whew...now my blog-visiting acquaintances won't have to look at the moles, zits and crow's feet. Or all that pesky redness and uneven skin tone. Now, instead of presenting myself as God made me, I'm presenting myself as I often wish he had made me—all hazy and indistinct. As my 13-year-old daughter (who is infinitely wiser than me in these matters) would say, "Mom, you really need to remember who imagined you."

She's right, of course. What cause do I have to disapprove the face in the mirror? What right do I have to question God's creative license? None. Yet insecurity can be a willful and resilient sin...in my case a lifelong, wretched thorn. Of course other, stronger believers have struggled with similar patterns of sin. Consider Paul's words in his letter to the Romans:

Romans 7:24-25 (from The Message translation):
"I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different."

Thank you, Jesus, for setting things right when you went to the cross. Thank you for paying my sin-debt while I was still a sinner. Thank you for undertaking the hard, long work of sanctification, right here, right now, just as I am. Thank you for making me an all new creation, and thank you for enabling me to believe that beautiful truth...even if some days I only believe it a little bit.

Your grace and mercy are beyond my understanding. But you placed faith and hope in my heart from the moment I first believed. And because of that, I can keep trying to make peace with the face in the mirror and the unseeable, unfinished, inner woman it represents.